So. During my two-week absence from the Internet, I devised a new plan. You see, I bought two large coffees (a latté and a mocha, to be exact) from McDonald's, and upon drinking them, I realized I had traveled one minute back in time.
So I did some math. Assuming one coffee takes me back in time 30 seconds, I would have to drink 13,665,600 coffees to go back in time 13 years. Why would I want to go back 13 years, you ask? The answer is simple. 13 years ago, Anna was 2 (almost 3). This is the approximate time she moved to California.
Once I drink these coffees, I will become a 5-year-old again but will retain all my memories from being 18. Then, I will utilize said memories to do things that would be supernatural for a five-year-old to do, such as predict events and excel in school.
Everyone will think I'm a prophet or something, and I'll use this to command my family to move to California. Preferably right next door to Anna. Then, Anna and I will be able to grow up together IRL. And by hanging out with me IRL, she'll actually get to know me unlike how the past five years of Internet-only friendship went down. Then she'll realize I'm not a stalker and will fall in love with me.
Now, the problem is... how will I afford that many coffees? They're $3.19 a piece IIRC, so that's a grand total of $43,593,264, not even counting tax. Hmm. :s
EDIT: Nevermind. I'm really, really dumb.