Friday, June 18, 2010

THE SMS TITANIC

Finally, some new news! Okay, so basically it started yesterday when I decided to try sending Anna a text message. Here are the contents:

Hay Anna! It's me! Nick! Bate! Or Stoutzenberger! Whichever! But yeah, it's been a while so I was wondering if you'd wanna talk or whatever. I mean, not much has changed with me other than I started listening to new bands. JOJ, Scarling., RBF, you know. Read the other two books you told me to, too. Loved 'em. Also been playing a lot of Pokémon and FF7 (you should play the PC version), painting my aunt's apartments (for money!), etc. Plus I'm less annoying, so YEAH. I'm curious as to how you've been doing, so I guess gimme a holler. See ya! (wait why did i say that when this is a text and not live)


Okay. Now I want you to notice something. There is absolutely NOTHING sexual or even romantic in it, right? The whole thing was all chillax like "hay what's up man". I did this on purpose, hoping maybe, like, it'd bring back memories of back when we were still friends? Well anyway. A few minutes ago, this happened (the other person is Kate again):

[18:09] Miles Edgeworth: Never, I repeat, NEVER text Anna again or I swear to god I will chop your balls off and feed them to you.
[18:10] Miles Edgeworth: Mkay?
[18:10] Nick: wha?
[18:10] Miles Edgeworth: You heard me. Or are you illiterate now?
[18:10] Nick: No, I'm literate, but... why can't I text her? o.O
[18:12] Miles Edgeworth: Because she doesn't want you to. It upsets her. If you really want to say something to her, say it to me and I'll tell her.
[18:12] Nick: I didn't even say anything bad.
[18:12] Miles Edgeworth: I know, but she doesn't like to hear from you. You creep her out. Possibly because you posted private info about her on your site.
[18:12] Nick: Literally the whole thing was all chillax like "hay what's up"
[18:13] Nick: ...what
[18:13] Miles Edgeworth: I understand that, but when someone hates you, you don't write to them saying 'hay what's up'.
[18:13] Miles Edgeworth: And trying to do so will not make her like you.
[18:14] Nick: Then what on earth WILL?
[18:14] Miles Edgeworth: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She will hate you until the day she dies, and nothing you do or say will ever change that. Every time you try, she just hates you all the more for it.
[18:15] Nick: Ahh, no.
[18:15] Miles Edgeworth: Ahh, yes. Seriously. Listen very, very closely.
[18:16] Miles Edgeworth: She hates you so much, she wants to kill you. In a painful manner.
[18:16] Miles Edgeworth: Ok?
[18:16] Nick: I'm aware of this.
[18:16] Miles Edgeworth: And the only thing that will change it is if you back the fuck off.
[18:16] Nick: I don't... think you realize that people can change their minds about such things.
[18:17] Miles Edgeworth: As a Canadian, it makes me want o slam your fingers in the trunk of a car every time you say about.
[18:17] Miles Edgeworth: *to
[18:17] Nick: Why? Canadians don't even say about.
[18:18] Miles Edgeworth: And I do realize that. But you have done so much to antagonize yourself, any further attempts to make her change her mind will only further drive her away.
[18:18] Miles Edgeworth: Do you understand that?
[18:18] Nick: Okay, but if I DON'T make attempts, she probably won't drive back TOWARDS me, soooo...
[18:19] Miles Edgeworth: So you should leave her alone. Would you rather have her hate you even more than she does now?
[18:19] Miles Edgeworth: Come on, Nick, use your head.
[18:20] Nick: ...But if I leave her alone she won't love me.
[18:20] Miles Edgeworth: I know you've got one in there.
[18:20] Miles Edgeworth: If you continue t contact her, she won't love you.
[18:20] Miles Edgeworth: *to
[18:20] Nick: See, now you're just confusing things!
[18:20] Miles Edgeworth: But that's the way it is!! No matter what you do, she will not love you.
[18:21] Nick: Sure she will!
[18:21] Miles Edgeworth: Oh my god.
[18:21] Miles Edgeworth: What makes you believe that?
[18:21] Miles Edgeworth: What sane, rational part of your brain could ever make you think that?
[18:22] Nick: Um, because we're soul mates? Pretty sure I explained this multiple times before.
[18:23] Miles Edgeworth: Yes, but you're not soul mates. You can't be soul mates if one soul hates the other and if the other soul harasses the other to the point where she wants to kill you.
[18:23] Nick: Yeah but somehow she's going to STOP hating me and start loving me. So yeah, soul mates.
[18:24] Nick: p.s. I'm not harrassing her
[18:24] Miles Edgeworth: You know
[18:24] Miles Edgeworth: I think you might be a troll.
[18:24] Nick: Why would I be trolling the same person for five years?
[18:25] Miles Edgeworth: YOU SEE
[18:25] Miles Edgeworth: 5 YEARS
[18:25] Miles Edgeworth: SHE STILL HATES YOU
[18:25] Nick: Yes, because she's stubborn
[18:25] Miles Edgeworth: Also, what on earth do you have to offer her?
[18:25] Miles Edgeworth: You're ugly as sin, flabby, unintelligent and delusional.
[18:26] Nick: Safety. Wisdom. Love. Anilingus. Pretty much everything, really.
[18:26] Nick: And you know, love goes beyond superficila shit like appearances and personality traits
[18:26] Nick: *superficial
[18:27] Miles Edgeworth: 1. You're the biggest threat in her life. Her parents have gone to the police and are concerned for her safety. If you go near her, they, being the feircely protective people they are, will never let you marry.
2. What wisdom? You're extremely stupid.
3. No comment, because this isn't love. It's obsession.
4. She's not into it.
[18:28] Nick: 1. When Anna loves me she'll call that off
2. Intelligence and wisdom aren't the same thing
3. IT'S LOVE DAMMIT
4. maybe she will be in the future, son
[18:29] Miles Edgeworth: If you call me son again I'll rip your tongue out.
[18:29] Nick: What? I call EVERYONE son. And dawg. And dude. And nudist. And countless other pronouns.
[18:30] Miles Edgeworth: And they'll never call it off, because they know what's best for her.
[18:30] Nick: obviously they don't if they don't want me to marry her
[18:30] Nick: I AM what's best for her. :/
[18:31] Miles Edgeworth: But you don't even know how to look after yourself, Nick. Anna is an extremely difficult person. I don't think for one minute you could handle it.
[18:31] Nick: I can. I know Anna better than I know myself. I know how to handle her problems and stuff
[18:32] Miles Edgeworth: Like what?
[18:32] Miles Edgeworth: Explain.
[18:32] Miles Edgeworth: Demonstrate.
[18:32] Nick: What, you expect me to come up with an example off the top of my head?
[18:32] Nick: fffffffff
[18:32] Miles Edgeworth: Yes, since you know so much about her.
[18:32] Miles Edgeworth: You are, after all, the Anna Guru.
[18:33] Nick: fffff I dunno it depends on whatever her problem is at the time
[18:33] Nick: p.s. using this moniker now
[18:33] Miles Edgeworth: You're her biggest problem.
[18:33] Nick: Only because she's MAKING me into a problem.
[18:33] Miles Edgeworth: You both are.
[18:33] Nick: I'm only trying to help her and she's being all, well, bitchy
[18:34] Miles Edgeworth: Admittedly, she's not handling it very well.
[18:34] Miles Edgeworth: But what would you expect?
[18:34] Nick: ^ understatement
[18:34] Nick: Uh, I would expect her to at least give me a chance and see how things work out?
[18:34] Nick: I don't see how that's so much to ask
[18:34] Miles Edgeworth: Good luck to you on that.
[18:34] Nick: Meh
[18:35] Miles Edgeworth: But it kinda is too much to ask.
[18:35] Nick: I don't need luck. It'll happen anyway.
[18:35] Miles Edgeworth: You've scared her away.
[18:35] Nick: How do you figure?
[18:35] Miles Edgeworth: She's told me so.
[18:35] Nick: Wh- nono, I meant back BEFORE she started doing this
[18:35] Nick: like, when we were friends
[18:36] Miles Edgeworth: Well, you started getting really creepy.
[18:36] Miles Edgeworth: And you decided that you were in love with her.
[18:36] Miles Edgeworth: This, understandably, scared her off.
[18:36] Nick: Uh, because I AM in love with her?
[18:36] Miles Edgeworth: brb
[18:36] Nick: what was I SUPPOSED to do, just not tell her? :/
[18:40] Miles Edgeworth: No, it's fine that you told her.
[18:41] Miles Edgeworth: But after that, you should've respected her boundaries.
[18:41] Miles Edgeworth: That's what love is about. Respect.
[18:43] Nick: How did I not respect her?
[18:44] Miles Edgeworth: You continue to try to pressure her into a relationship and write disturbing fanfics about her poop. :c
[18:45] Nick: There's nothing wrong with writing fanfics. She herself does it all the time. B|
[18:45] Nick: And I didn't even pressure her, either
[18:45] Miles Edgeworth: Yes, but not about people she knows. And not in a creepy sexual manner.
[18:45] Miles Edgeworth: See, that's the main thing.
[18:45] Nick: All I did was ASK if she wanted to go out with me :/
[18:45] Miles Edgeworth: You're creepy as fuck.
[18:45] Nick: No I'm not.
[18:46] Miles Edgeworth: That's the other thing.
[18:46] Miles Edgeworth: You have no idea how creepy you are.
[18:46] Nick: There's nothing creepy about me. Not in the least.
[18:46] Miles Edgeworth: It's unanimous that you're really, really creepy.
[18:47] Nick: So Anna's friends make up the ENTIRE vote then? Pfft.
[18:47] Nick: People who actually KNOW me know I'm not creepy.
[18:48] Miles Edgeworth: Dude.
[18:49] Miles Edgeworth: Jessa the doormat can't stand you.
[18:49] Miles Edgeworth: Jessa likes EVERYONE.
[18:49] Miles Edgeworth: She's just that nice.
[18:49] Nick: She USED to like me. I'm not sure what the hell happened with her
[18:49] Miles Edgeworth: Oh, I know.
[18:50] Miles Edgeworth: She only ever talked to you because she pitied you.
[18:50] Miles Edgeworth: She told me.
[18:50] Nick: ...Umm she was friends with me before I even told her about Anna
[18:50] Miles Edgeworth: Yes, and she pitied you even then.
[18:51] Miles Edgeworth: She tends to be friends with people she pities.
[18:51] Nick: What the fuck would she have pitied me for before I told her about Anna? -_-
[18:51] Miles Edgeworth: I'm not sure if Anna and I are included in this spectrum.
[18:52] Miles Edgeworth: And read your own life story.
[18:52] Miles Edgeworth: It's all on your stupid fuckng websites.
[18:52] Nick: Dude, I KNOW Jessa and she didn't just pity me. I used to be one of her closest friends until Anna had to go and ruin it
[18:52] Miles Edgeworth: You seem to hold a lot of resentment towards Anna.
[18:52] Nick: Uh what does my biography have to do with anything
[18:53] Miles Edgeworth: To be honest, it doesn't even seem like you like her.
[18:53] Nick: Well of course. She's made the past two years of my life hell
[18:53] Miles Edgeworth: And it says that you grew up in an abusive home, shitty family situation, no friends.
[18:53] Nick: Actually no, even before she she started hating me
[18:53] Nick: Yeah, your point being?
[18:53] Miles Edgeworth: She pitied you.
[18:54] Nick: She didn't know THAT stuff either!
[18:54] Miles Edgeworth: And dude, if you don't want Anna to keep ruining your life, leave her alone.
[18:54] Miles Edgeworth: It's that simple.
[18:54] Nick: If I left her alone it wouldn't fix my life.
[18:54] Nick: The only thing that can fix it is if she loves me
[18:55] Miles Edgeworth: You're very stupid.
[18:55] Nick: Irrelevant.
[18:56] Miles Edgeworth: No, it's verr relevant.
[18:56] Miles Edgeworth: *very
[18:57] Nick: No, it's a moot point.
[18:57] Miles Edgeworth: Because you still believe she will someday love you.
[18:57] Miles Edgeworth: You are just that stupid.
[18:57] Nick: Because she WILL!
[18:57] Nick: It has nothing to do with intelligence or stupidity/
[18:57] Nick: It's just the truth
[18:59] Miles Edgeworth: I give up.


So yeah. I guess this means she's not gonna text me back quite yet.

EDIT: Also, I was semi-joking aboot the anilingus. SEMI.

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